I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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