you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
