Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
