If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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