I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
