is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
