i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
