Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
