I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
