did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
