Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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