she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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