OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
