she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Farmville is her only friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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