Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
