The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
