Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
