i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
