fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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