dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
