just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
