Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
