Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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