my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
