That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
