Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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