She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
