She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize