Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
