I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
