i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
