she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
