Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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