So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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