I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize