Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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