oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
