I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk is a universal language darling
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
