i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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