my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
