when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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