Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
