You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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