why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
