People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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