I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize