Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
