I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize