I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i love accidental penises.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
