Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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