Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
