i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
