hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
