I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
