I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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