Im at strip club and am horny
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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