She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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