to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize