I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
