were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
