i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
