Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
