Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
