I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
