The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
