we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
