that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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