i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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