Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
