Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
