dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
