He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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