I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
