cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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