Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize