finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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