Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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